I have started reading a book called “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan

I was given this book by a friend who said it was exceptional—I don’t know if I would go as far as acclaiming it exceptional—but I am only to the second chapter. I find that this book has had a way of speaking to ME every time I have opened it.

Today my reading was on Worry and Stress.

He says:

“Worry and Stress wreak of Arrogance”

and

"there is a perplexing command: "rejoice in the Lord always . I will say it again: Rejoice" (Phil.4:4). You'll notice that it doesn't end with "...unless you're doing something extremely important." No, its a command for all of us, and follows with the charge, "Do not be anxious about Anything."

Do not even be anxious about anything?!

The book then goes on to explain that if we worry and are stressin' we are in a way saying that are problems are so big that they overshadow GOds commandment to not be anxious about anything.

Man. This is a hard thing to do, but then I am reminded: My life is fleeting. MY God created ME. He created me with the ability to think, function, live. Since HE has done this--is taking care of ME really something HE cannot handle? No. God is big enough to handle all my worries, all the things I am anxious about. And for that I am SO grateful.

My other favorite quote from this book:

"Isn't it a comfort to worship a God that we cannot exaggerate?"

How cool is that? How amazing is it that we cannot exaggerate God. The God who made me, can handle all my worries--and is that big--HE can never be exaggerated.

So why do I question that He holds me in HiS hands--and will take all my anxieties, worries and pain and do something with them--that I can't.

(all these ideas were results of reading "Crazy Love" Im in a research class with a large focus on plagiarism SO I am being extra careful LOL)

Just BE.

Today I want to just BE...

wrapped in YOUR love God.

Filled with YOUR Joy.

Focused

Free

loving.

THe Woman GOd created me to BE.

I want to simply BE--whatever and however that manifests.

This above statement seems so simple--but let me say that for me this is hard. Very hard sometimes. I let fear, pain, worry, loneliness and analyzation get in the way. I want things the way they were, but cant have them right now. I want to know where Im going, but have to focus on where I am.

Every day I have fun, and have been enjoying life--but why when I wake up in the morning do I have to remind myself to get out of bed?! Life. I love you. but you are oh so confusing sometimes!

Today I am focusing on just one thing. I am just going to curl up in GOds right hand and let HIM carry my through.

As we start another Monday--Know that I am praying for all of you--friends and family and I love you oh so much. Thanks for being you and bringing Joy to my life.

I want to BE:

The Peaceful Woman:

A peaceful woman seeks wisdom.

She loves to grow, explore, and change.

She finds truth and inspiration.

She remains authentic, yet GLOWS with elegance.

She stops seeking perfection, and takes time to be.

She loves life and lives fully.

She draws you near to her soul.

God please make me what YOU want me to be.

live life. What does that mean?

I search for spontaneity. Crave creativity. miss normalcy.

Life can be hard. Life is confusing.

What do I want? I dont know.

Who am I? I am learning.

My head is spinning. cluttered with thoughts.

Run away to some place simple. Someplace pure.

Bangladesh your calling my name. A place where things were simple, joyous.

Adjusting.

I am just glad to be alive..

I have only been back for 3 days, and already I am itching to do something unplanned and out of the ordinary. Life in American is very calculated, planned, and directed: these adjectives have been out of my life for the last 5 months. Yes I know to everything there is a balance, but I think those words are going to have to pry themselves back into my life.

Before I left for Bangladesh much of my life was ruled by these adjectives, Bangladesh swung to the other extreme and now I must work my life back into a balance. I have learned that being calculated, planned, and directed can be very dull: unless God is your calculator, planner and director. Im learning with God life is never dull and God thrives on creativity, spontaneity and Joy just as much as Bangladesh does.

..."Let Joy and bubble up from within me..." Psalms 51:8

No need for more.

Ra-june. One of my favorite days in Bangladesh.

(Ra-June. Wearing my orna I gave him as a blanket)

Ra-june is a street boy. He lives on the streets and begs for his family. Ryan and I met him one evening around 11:00pm. He was begging for money. We instead took him to get some food. He was inspiring. When told to get whatever he wanted all he would pick out was one roll. Upon prompting I was able to convince him to get a few other things, but always he insisted on the smallest amount. When we finished we started walking away with him, only to find out that he would not be eating this food. It was for his little brother and mom. I quickly returned to the store and bought him some food for himself. He was so grateful, offering me his food. This is a boy who had nothing. Not even a place to sleep, for I saw the hard pavement that his lightly clothed body would be laying on that night. He had no blanket and it was cold. Even I a foreigner would sleep with two blankets that night. But still he took no more or asked for anything. Ryan and I were so impressed with this boy, his tattered clothes, bare feet and wholesome heart, broke, inspired, and pulled at my inner most soul. This boy was something I never expected to find on the streets, he was more then I think I could ever have been if I was in his shoes.

(Ra-June and I right before his bath!)

The next day we met up with Ra-june and this day was my most memorable day in Bangladesh. Ryan and I took him with us for the day. We took him out shopping, let him pick out (with LOTS of prodding) new clothes, shoes, toiletries, we went to lunch together, got him a bath. It was the most amazing day ever. This boy was inspiring. Never once did he ask for more, never once did he complain. During this day his eyes changed from pools of nothingness to flickers of joy. He gave me Joy. We met his mother on the street and his brother.

(Ra-June and Ryan after Ra-June's bath and his new clothes!)

Ra-june was the most remarkable person I have met in a long time. Life had given him nothing, yet when given the opportunity to get anything and everything, he was not greedy. He was not entitled. He was happy. He was content. He was Inspiring. That day Ra-june challenged me to look at every principle and stance I have built my life on. That day he inspired me to be a better person. To be content and not always looking for more. That day Ra-june gave me Joy again. A joy that was not found from getting but from loving. A Joy is not based on your position or location in life, it is based on a choice. It is based on something bigger then me. It is based on God. Ra-June's attitude is something I aspire to.

back in the USA.

(Ruth: My Girl at Bangla Hope, I love her.)


So today is my second day back in America. SO many emotions are flooding my soul and confusing my heart.

I arrived home Sunday at 1:00pm. After 20 hours of traveling I was quite tired, emotionally drained and in need of a nice shower. I was greeted at the airport by my family and friends. I walked down the hall way towards baggage claim and I saw them. Instantly my heart overflowed with Joy. Around 20 of my amazing family and friends were huddled at the gate awaiting my return. They had signs and the warmest hugs. I finally drove for the first time in 5 months. I drove home in my dads convertible with my favorite sister in the passengers seat and Brock and his friend in the back. We cranked some tunes and sang our hearts out. At home there was a party waiting for me, all my favorite foods and many of my favorite people.

Being home is so bitter sweet. I miss Bangladesh, Argentina, My kids. But I am excited to apply all that I have experienced to my life and relationships here. I have come up with a new motto. I want to:

Continue being PRESENT: Not dwelling on or missing the past, instead being thankful I was fortunate enough to be blessed with the opportunity to experience all that I have. Not worrying about the future, but placing my future in Gods hands and living the best I can each moment. My God is So big, so life filled, loving and Joyous: That is what I want to bask in each day.

I miss you.

Bangladesh my home, I miss you.

I miss waking up to the red sunrise.

I miss my kids meeting me at the gates and calling my name.

I miss singing you all to sleep.

I miss telling stories.

I miss giving hugs.

I miss appa de bows.

I miss rice.

I miss dirt.

I miss badminton and 5 crowns.

I miss street kids and hawkers.

I miss the smog.

I miss the people.

I miss everything.

Bangladesh when will I come see you again? I dont know. But I know I will not be able to stay away too long.

Hand-me-downs

Our Children at BanglaHope are dressed exceptionally well. Wonderful people in America send over brand new clothes for our kids. So every year Mrs. Waid goes through all the clothes and replaces all the grungy ones. These ones that are considered grungy by American standards are like gold to the villagers. On January 24, 2010 we handed out gobs of clothes to the villagers. We had so many clothes. After we finished handing them out to the near by villages we piled into the back of the pickup and handed them out to the people in the streets, surrounding villages and anyone we saw. People were running after our truck, hands flailing and laughing all the wa

y.

You may now...WALK AWAY...with the bride?!

In Bangladesh PDA is not allowed. To call Bangladesh conservative would be an understatement, but as usual Bangladesh never ceases to amazing me. I went to a wedding today and the bride and groom did not kiss, talk, or really smile. But, I know they are happy.
O-Be-Dum is our handyman at Bangla Hope he can fix everything. He is a Catholic man who worked at the Catholic hospital before coming to work for Bangla Hope. He fled from there to escape an arranged marriage so he could marry this girl. :) I am so happy that he actually got to marry the girl that he wanted. I have started thinking....I think that when I get married I want to have two weddings: a traditional one in the states and one with my Bengali family in Bangladesh!

O-Be-Dum and his wife

Their rings

She looked Beautiful...

The get away car :)