I am wrapped up in my bed, snuggled in a fluffy down comforter. I am too hot. I don't have my contacts on--so things are a little blurry. But I can still see all the stuff I have cluttering up my room. I can still see the piles of books I bought but have not taken the time to read, the closet of clothes I left for six months and never missed--but still have.
I have everything I could ever hope for--and still seem to acquire more. and more. and more. When I was in Bangladesh I had only the things that would fit in one suitcase--and as I remember--that was plenty.
Its cold here in Walla Walla--but I am too hot. I have too many blankets, and the heat is working too well in my house. I was actually thinking last night--it is too hot in here! I can't even sleep" Then I read things like this:
This forces me to remember how lucky I am. To remember how lucky I am to have layers to fight the cold. How lucky I am that my children in Bangladesh have warm sweaters.
But I also remember what so many others in Bangladesh do not have. I remember seeing 100's of people lined up for miles outside BanglaHope--just to get a blanket. They would quickly wrap their frail bodies in these thin blankets. It was so cold--I'm ashamed to say I had three of these blankets on my bed. The thought still hurts. I remember seeing that bitter cold they felt. The cold that their paper thin skin could just not keep out.
I wake up this morning and see the stuff I have--the warmth I took for granted. The clutter of things I do not use. It makes that familiar feeling of guilt, disgust, and shame slam into my heart. I have felt this feeling so often, in bangladesh, back home--I have SO much--
Walla Walla University Week of Worship is this week. I have been challenged to fast for 40 days. I have prayed and thought--thought and prayed and I have decided to go on a no more stuff for me fast. This means no more buying extra things for me--clothes, knickknacks, art stuff, make-up, jewelry, whatever else I don't need. No more buying into stress, worry, anger, dislike. Just simply being me. Being just me. No more filling my life with things I don't need--but instead hopefully learning to be happy with what I have, who God has made me, and open to what he wants me to become.
I also hope to de-clutter. I have this picture in my mind of outfitting a someone who actually needs--with the best I have. Letting her pick her favorite thing from my closet--and then saying have it--not looking at prices--not just giving things I don't like--but giving someone what they love. This might be a lofty thought--It might be hard to do when I see my favorite dress being picked--but then I think--my mom has always said the best gift you can give is one that you would want to keep for yourself.
I want to learn more about being less.