“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.” 
― Audrey Hepburn

ready. set. go.

I kinda feel like I have been running a never ending race - excited, exhausted, determined.  This morning a song came on my Pandora and it made my whole morning.  Have you seen the adorable movie Matilda?  It is based a story written by Roald Dahl.  IMBD describes it as, "Story of a wonderful little girl, who happens to be a genius, and her wonderful teacher vs. the worst parents ever and the worst school principal imaginable." I first heard this song in that movie - I remember awkward dancing to on my bed, curls flying, feet squishing, without a care in the world.  Today, it was just what I needed.

"After The Storm"

And after the storm,

I run and run as the rains come

And I look up, I look up,

on my knees and out of luck,

I look up.

Night has always pushed up day

You must know life to see decay

But I won't rot, I won't rot

Not this mind and not this heart,

I won't rot.

And I took you by the hand

And we stood tall,

And remembered our own land,

What we lived for.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And now I cling to what I knew

I saw exactly what was true

But oh no more.

That's why I hold,

That's why I hold with all I have.

That's why I hold.

And I won't die alone and be left there.

Well I guess I'll just go home,

Oh God knows where.

Because death is just so full and man so small.

Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

Promise yourself that you will be

 honest 

about how you 

feel - 

that you will let yourself fall hard and take a risk.  

Promise you will let yourself feel so strongly about something,

 you will choose to 

be 

vulnerable 

over-and-over-again 

to 

risk 

being told 

no 

 just because the hope of getting a 

yes 

is 

too

 strong

 to ignore.

  Promise yourself that you will care enough to be hurt 

to hurt

 in a way that 

will 

not 

go away quick or maybe even ever 

but

 is a constant reminder that what you had 

was 

true.  

Promise yourself that you will be strong

but not cynical -

 hopeful,

 not helpless

 and kind,

 not cutting.

Promise yourself 

these 

things 

now

because someday when all is spinning and nothing makes sense, 

these are the things you will cling to,

 these are the things you will know to be true. 

...this sounds like the dream job - messy, crazy, hard, but absolutely magical

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/karin-badt/personal-experience-set-d_b_67799.html

"...with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed but attentive."

"By the way, would you convey my compliments to the purist who reads your proofs and tell him or her that I write in a sort of broken-down patois which is something like the way a Swiss waiter talks, and that when I split an infinitive, God damn it, I split it so it will stay split, and when I interrupt the velvety smoothness of my more or less literate syntax with a few sudden words of barroom vernacular, this is done with the eyes wide open and the mind relaxed but attentive. The method may not be perfect, but it is all I have. I think your proofreader is kindly attempting to steady me on my feet, but much as I appreciate the solicitude, I am really able to steer a fairly clear course, provided I get both sidewalks and the street between."

-Raymond Chandler

...time to start running

"I recommend the following course of action for those who are just beginning their careers, or for those like me, who may be reconfiguring midway through: heed the words of Robert Frost.  Start with a big, fat, lump in your throat, start with a profound sense of wrong, a deep homesickness, or a crazy lovesickness, and run with it.  If you imagine less, less will be what you undoubtedly deserve.  Do what you love, and don't stop until you get what you love.  Work as hard as you can , imagine immensities, don't compromise, and don't waste time.  Start now, not two weeks from now.  now."

Look Both Ways: Illustrated Essays on the Intersections of Life and Design, Debbie Millman

If I could go anywhere today, it would be here:

MoMA Rain Room - a room dumping, pouring, dripping, rain.  People, creativity and technology continually inspire me, this is just exceptional.  When the sensors detect a human body, they shut off the rain right above the patron.  So, you can literally sing, dance or kiss in the rain all while never getting wet.  How magical does that sound?  It sounds absolutely astounding - it got me looking at  MoMA memberships and flights to NYC.  

http://www.moma.org/visit/calendar/exhibitions/1380

Silly, happy, pick-me-up song!

"Sometimes I need a little sunshine, a little hope for a better day, a little love to find a way..."

Listen to it loud, enjoy. 

Girls Night Out - made me laugh. ------->  CLICK HERE!

Inspiration.

I came downstairs to find this:

My parents relationship inspires me - it shows me what I want, gives me hope and makes me so excited.  They laugh just as loud as they fight - and I think that is perfect. 

search for it - notice it - see it.

This morning my heart is full, not because everything is perfect, right or even good - but because I am choosing to linger in the love I know is sure and envision the beauty I know exists.  This choice is not spontaneous, sappy or even sincere - but conscious and calculated.  It is an effort to rise above the common place cloud of confusion, pain and fear - to slow down, savor and really see.  To see through eyes that detect the delicate details of beauty in the seemingly un-beautiful.  Eyes that seek the sincere, value the vulnerable and notice the novice.  Eyes that see past the plaster, the skin, the safe - eyes that hold the beauty of the raw, stripped and stained.  In this life it seems very few things are forever, sure or even secure - minds change, problems progress, hate hovers and shit happens.  But - there is so much beyond that, it seems we just have to search for it - notice it - see it.

I see beauty in the subtle, squinty wrinkles around my fathers bright green eyes - put there by the sun he never shied away from and evidence of his unshielded thirst to experience the unexperienced.  I see beauty in the stark white hair of my wise, regal grandfather and the calluses of my never idle, always tending - teaching - trusting grandmother.  I see beauty in the curly, crazy hair that dresses my sweet mommas head - for it reminds me of the zing, passion and creativity that oozes from her very being.  I see beauty in the simple heart my sister once carved into her left knee - for it reminds me that even scars can create unexplainable beauty.    

A tall, handsome, honorable man once told me, "Say what you feel - not what you should."  I have spent many hours trying to organize what I feel - what I feel is a tricky thing.  It changes just like the ups and downs of the rolling sea.  But, in spite of all the ups and downs one thing remains constant, and that is the warmth that wells deep within my heart with the appreciation, creation and contemplation of beauty.  Beauty that is not common or quantifiable, but beauty that is found in the details, the ugly, the honest, the raw - the vulnerable.  There is no telling what horrors tomorrow could bring - but we can be sure that some beauty will exist today, tomorrow and forever - we just have to search for it - notice it - see it.  

This video has been popping up all over my Facebook feed, I shared it and sang its praise.  This video reminds me how essential it is to not only love others - but love ourselves.  This video seems to screams a simple message to my slow thumping heart, saying: "Elliot - be gentle with yourself, love yourself, for you are fearfully and wonderfully made - you have your own type of beauty that is more then skin deep - you. are. more. beautiful. then. you. acknowledge."  But is that really what it is saying - or is that just the message I wanted to take from it?

A person I really respect told me how much this video frustrats him- he pointed out that things like "freckles, round faces and wrinkles" are labeled as ugly and that things like "blue eyes, thin face and soft chin" are labeled as beautiful.  I agree with him, this suggestion is frusterating - I don't think blue eyes, freckles, wrinkles or any list of things should ever define a persons beauty.  My mother has always said that ". . . pretty is, as pretty does."  I see so much truth, promise and value in this saying.  Being pretty doesn't come from our skin - but from what is underneath it - our minds - our souls - our compassion - our hearts.   

The more I think about this video the more I realize how much I love the idea behind it, but question the execution and details it suggests.  I wonder how many of my best of intentions are lost in translation because I lack the attention to detail and intentional insight it takes to effectivly execute and communicate a good idea.

Tonight my heart hurts - my heart breaks for my favorite city.

Tragedies like this remind me how absolutely essential it is to love while we can.  So I say - kiss your lover, tell your secrets to the ears you want to hear, hug your friends, appreciate the little things, say "I love you," when you mean it and don't hold anything back - it could all be over, before we even decide to start.

Love and prayers to everyone in Boston, you are in our hearts and on our minds.  

Never. Be. A. More. Beautiful. YOU.

A beautiful love song for all my beautiful friends out there - there could NEVER be a more beautiful YOU.  I love you and am so grateful for all of you.  xo

There's a lot of pain in reaching out and trying

It's a vulnerable place to be

Love and pride can't occupy the same spaces, baby

Only one makes you free

--Loving a Person - Sara Groves

Love this - went to Berklee with Rozi in 2007 - so much talent. 

. . . it just seems so simple:

"I Belong With You, 

You Belong With Me, 

You're My Sweetheart."

My Poppie is just brimming with wisdom.  This morning he sent me this message and it was just what I needed to hear.  He said: 

"Sorrow causes deep scars and writes its story on your suffering heart.  
You will never completely recover from your greatest griefs. 
And will never be exactly the same after passing through this sorrow. 
But, this sorrow, will forever instill in your heart, a greater sense of compassion for others. Indeed, those who have no scars of sorrow or suffering upon them, are poor."

Thankful.

I am not going to lie - the last few months have been rough, really rough - but these last few days I have finally started to feel the sun shining, my heart beating and my smile returning. My circumstances haven't changed, but how thankful I am - has.  

Choosing to be thankful to my God for the plan he has, the love He gives, and peace He offers - is slowly changing my life. I am so thankful for a God who allows me to fall apart, but will always put me back together again.  

If things seems rough right now - keep going - you are loved, beautiful, held and have a purpose.  I know your sunshine will return, your head will stop spinning and your breath will once again find its place in your chest. I am so thankful for this truth, for you, and for our God. 

Tuesday

Tuesday reminded me how difficult effective communication is.
Tuesday hurt.
Tuesday made me cry.
Tuesday I talked to wonderful person.
Tuesday I was told I am "crazy - insane - dramatic"

Tuesday I realized I sometimes I am "crazy- insane - dramatic,"

but
sometimes "crazy - insane - dramatic" creates its own beauty. 

and Tuesday I just decided to embrace it - 

‎"I like to see people reunited, maybe that's a silly idea, but what can I say, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone."

Jonathan Safran Foer

“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion, to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly, to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart, to bear all cheerfully, to all bravely await occasions, hurry never. In a word, to let the spiritual unbidden and unconscious grow up through the common. This is to be my symphony.” 


― William Henry Channing

I hear the birds outside my window.  Their sweet, delicate chirps remind me that spring will come, the ice will thaw and seasons will change.  And that gives me hope.  

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of it's own"
Matthew 6:34

Key West Light

I'm up early watching the sun rise. I'm sitting sideways on a bright white hammock, gently swaying with the rhythm of the wind. This wind is heavy with salt and stings my sun stripped skin. It blows the palm fronds, making them unruly, just like it blows the wispy curls of my sweet mommas hair. I'm wrapped up in my trip companion:  a striped terrycloth bathrobe, pulled over my just slept in skivvies.  The hammock sits quite high and is extremely taut.  My mom jumped up to snuggle me, only to be bounced back like the beach rocks I tossed at the palm trees yesterday.  My dad and I belly laughed for he had just wrestled with the much too tight, much too white hammock as he hoisted up next to me for a sway.  

My toes can barely reach the cream colored sand, but they do. I love the way the sand molds under foot. How its cool, smooth, yet rough. I like to watch the grains of sand balance on the top of my feet and then slowly blow away - feeling the sand move from weight to weightless. The seaweed, brought in by the high tide, is still stacked on the beach.  I like it this way.  But in the next thirty minutes the stacks of spindly, slimy seaweed will be gone. And with it, the sweet smell of the fishy sea.   

The waves come and go, crash and flow. The white foam of the fallen crest leaps over the calf-high rock wall. And I can hear the hollow sound of the wind as it passes by. And the soothing voice of the waves as the break against the rocky shore. They don't crash, or lap, or roll. It's more like they tumble.  Like a small child teetering on their two spindly legs as they first are learning to do a summersault. They bend at the waist, put their head on the ground and then hoist their legs over. Not much rolling, usually just a jostled landing on the back, then prying up their heavy heads, with a goofy opened mouth grin.  Just to do it all again. 

Time

"Keep. Hoping. And. Everything. Will. Be. Okay." 

This has been my mantra for the last few months.  In the past six months it seems my life has turned upside down, right side up and then toppled over again.  It has been liberating, exhilerating, stressful, scary and sometimes absolutely lonely. Most days I find myself wondering how I got to where I am and where I will find myself in six more months.  

They say time heals all things, I sure hope "they" are right. 

"Useful Things" Thomas Morton, The Native Americans of New England (1637)

". . . . According to human reason, guided only by the light of nature, these people lead more happy and freer life, being void of care, which torment the minds of so many Christians: They are not delighted in baubles, but in useful things."

Dream. Job.

How I wish I could spend my days:  

http://petrastorrs.com/category/blog/

I wanna be lucky.

brainpickings.org