Some people say the mind is less efficient when multi-tasking. They say it is better to focus on one thing, to pour yourself into your one passion, one life mission, one focus.

I have a question to ask.

What if your a person who does not want just one. What if you want 5, 6, or 7? What if when you walk out the door you can see so much beauty and possibilities, you can never imagine just picking just one? What if you are a person who lives organization and chaos? What if you know how to throw caution to the wind, but walk on the straight and narrow? What if you want to soar but keep your feet on the ground? What if you want security, but non-stop adventure? What if you choose to see beauty in the ordinary and reason in the unreasonable? Is it possible? Is it craziness? Is it something others even understand?

What if we threw appearances, expectations, and titles aside? What would I look like? What would you look like.

I am seeing how easy it is to get caught up in "what-I-am," "what-I-am-becoming," "what-I-am-experiencing," "what am I achieving."

What if I do not want to live by the accepted things I am supposed to do?

What if I do not want to worry about I - but associate my I with, "we," "you," and "us."

What if I am person who does not want just one. What if I want 5, 6, or 7? What if when I walk out the door I can see so much beauty and possibilities, I can never imagine just picking just one? What if I am a person who lives organization and chaos? What if I know how to throw caution to the wind, but walk on the straight and narrow? What if I want to soar but keep my feet on the ground? What if I want security, but non-stop adventure? What if I choose to see beauty in the ordinary and reason in the unreasonable? Is it possible? Is it craziness? Is it something others even understand? Is it?

The calm before the storm

Today I woke up with the distinct feeling of anxiety. It was subtle, it was subdued, but it was there. I could feel her eking her way in, winding her thin silk thread into the patterns of my mind. I hate her. I hate how easily she can grab hold and distract me from the everlasting peace my God gives me.

Today marks the last day of our fashion week coverage, which means the first day of "vacation." But today is also the first day I have been able to slow down enough to remember all of the things I left behind. Today I woke up and realized I will be headed back to 5 jobs/projects, two large tests, a research project I am way behind on, a long list of "to-do's" and heaps of people I am craving some quality time with.

Sitting over here in New York I am surrounded by so many options - the last one I want to pick is studying or work. I want to live where I am, soak up the experience. Today I feel a bit detached, like I am sitting in a boat, on the ocean, fully knowing I am in "the calm before the storm." There I am, sitting in that boat, biting my nails, conjuring up how terrible the storm will be, nervously awaiting - forgetting to enjoy the calm.

Today I read the most amazing devotion by Sarah Young, in "Jesus Calling." It said, " Thank me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still. Do not spoil these quite hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again." It goes on to say, "Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My presence with you. Do not despise these simple ways of serving me. Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in spiritual realms. My strength and power show themselves most effective in weakness."

Before I came to New York I was running so crazy, all I could think of was it will be so SO nice to get away: to do nothing. Well this trip has sure been full of somethings, but it has reminded me how much I dislike busyness. How much I dislike feeling pulled in 100 directions. This trip has reminded me that I need quite hours. This trip has forced some parts of my life to be still and I can feel God telling me not to spoil these hours by worrying about the ones to come.

So, today I have decided to bask in my calm before the storm. I will do my best to prepare, but I will also take time to soak up the sunshine. I will enjoy the quite and not rush to become active. I choose to trust that my God will get me through the storm and has put me right where he wants me to be today.

I love that we all have a God who is just longing to give us peace wherever we are. Who has promised to be with us in the storms, this lets me worry less about the storms.

fit.

Today, right now, I am sitting in NY. I am sitting in a Starbucks on 29th and Madison, smooth jazz is playing and I am unwinding after a long few days in the city. I have not had much time to think. Just putting on these heels, slipping on that dress, hopping on that subway and attending that that show - it has been wonderful thats for sure - but a lot unreal.

It seems I have stepped into a different life. I mean I usually do not even wear make-up and yesterday I put on heels, curled my hair, and put on a full face of make-up. It was fun to get dressed up. I wore the most amazing Ruby pants, got mistaken for a model and got to spend time with my bestie. I am here helping in anyway I can with her dream of becoming a beauty editor. I have to say she is amazing, SO much skill.

But anyways, here I am - sitting in a NY Starbucks and real life is still happening. I am sitting across from a couple who are having a tough talk. I can see the pain on his face and I suspect tears brimming in her eyes, I cannot tell she keeps moving her hair to hide her face. I can tell he wants her, but something isn't working. I heard snippets of the conversation, "I don't know if I can wait - I mean what if we start hanging out and you decide you still don't want to get back together with me," and "I can love every minute of us hanging out together, but if we are really not together..."

Im sitting here having a NY dream day - and they are sitting there just one table away - yet in a whole different reality.

I am realizing more and more how easy it is to get out-of-touch with reality. How easy it is to loose your grounding. How easy it is to forget the pain that others are feeling, to forget the man sleeping on the street, or the lady struggling to keep food on her table. Its easy to become so dressed up that you forget you reach down.

I am having a wonderful experience and learning so much. Learning so much about a new industry - and so much about the life I want to live. I never want to forget. I never want be so done-up that I cannot let it all down. Life is one big puzzle and I am just looking to find right where God wants me to fit.