Today I woke up with the distinct feeling of anxiety. It was subtle, it was subdued, but it was there. I could feel her eking her way in, winding her thin silk thread into the patterns of my mind. I hate her. I hate how easily she can grab hold and distract me from the everlasting peace my God gives me.
Today marks the last day of our fashion week coverage, which means the first day of "vacation." But today is also the first day I have been able to slow down enough to remember all of the things I left behind. Today I woke up and realized I will be headed back to 5 jobs/projects, two large tests, a research project I am way behind on, a long list of "to-do's" and heaps of people I am craving some quality time with.
Sitting over here in New York I am surrounded by so many options - the last one I want to pick is studying or work. I want to live where I am, soak up the experience. Today I feel a bit detached, like I am sitting in a boat, on the ocean, fully knowing I am in "the calm before the storm." There I am, sitting in that boat, biting my nails, conjuring up how terrible the storm will be, nervously awaiting - forgetting to enjoy the calm.
Today I read the most amazing devotion by Sarah Young, in "Jesus Calling." It said, " Thank me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still. Do not spoil these quite hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again." It goes on to say, "Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My presence with you. Do not despise these simple ways of serving me. Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in spiritual realms. My strength and power show themselves most effective in weakness."
Before I came to New York I was running so crazy, all I could think of was it will be so SO nice to get away: to do nothing. Well this trip has sure been full of somethings, but it has reminded me how much I dislike busyness. How much I dislike feeling pulled in 100 directions. This trip has reminded me that I need quite hours. This trip has forced some parts of my life to be still and I can feel God telling me not to spoil these hours by worrying about the ones to come.
So, today I have decided to bask in my calm before the storm. I will do my best to prepare, but I will also take time to soak up the sunshine. I will enjoy the quite and not rush to become active. I choose to trust that my God will get me through the storm and has put me right where he wants me to be today.
I love that we all have a God who is just longing to give us peace wherever we are. Who has promised to be with us in the storms, this lets me worry less about the storms.