My heart is filled to the brim with Joy.
In my dream I saw I all my kids. I remember them so vividly. I can still feel little Ruthy hugging me so tight. Marissa was mad at me for not coming back sooner--but soon got over it when she saw the others happy. Melanie was still giggly and spoke great English. Mark was still smily, Danny was a little more rowdy. Rebecca you were absent--most likely over running around with your two long pigtails twirling in the wind--But it was so good to go back. I spoke Bangla. I remembered things I thought I had forgotten. The Joy, Love and Peace of Bangladesh flooded my soul, washed over my worries, and smoothed out my dreams. Oh Bangladesh--kids--it is so good to visit you. To remember details, to feel your chubby, clammy, baby soft arms tugging at my neck. To laugh with no inhibitions, to run on the sidewalk and have all of you tag along. My fingers were finally satisfied--for I had 10 kids holding on to each one--and 10 more clamoring to get ahold.
In my dream I said good-bye to them--promising to return...it wasn't has bad as usual--because for some reason I knew I would be back. This time I did not wake up with tears streaming down my cheeks, or to a damp pillow. This time I woke up with the Joy of remembering my kids, the Joy of spending time with them--not the sadness of leaving. For I am learning that all things will be left. There will always be good-byes. But we must savor the Hello's--the memories--the experience--just like eating a scrumptious dessert--it will eventually be gone--but I sure always remember the flavor.
This dream was a blessing. It was my much needed reminder of the love, fulfillment and contentment I feel with the Bangladesh Elliot. No need to worry about the future. No pressures. Just living, living for others and forgetting yourself. No make up, no mirrors, no worry of size, accomplishment, or composure. Living with full fledged poverty in your face. Literally hands reaching up for help--all I had to do was bend down, bend down and help that hand. Bangladesh truly has stolen my heart. More then just about anything. And even though the "American Dream" of success, wealth, and security is fighting for a piece--Im holding on tight to my Bangladeshi life.
I cant wait to get back to Bangladesh for real--but until then--I am so thankful for my dreams--and cannot wait for another.
Thank-you God for looking out for me. For pushing me. For guiding me. For loving me more then Anyone else--(thats crazy to really think about) For taking me back to Bangladesh--for letting me remember, feel, and enjoy. I love You. I need more of YOU. Help us to remember. To remember what we have learned--to remember who You are--to remember.
Love always and Forever, Your Elle