Saturday, August 21, 2010

Its a cool, chrisp morning. I have been up since about 5:00am. just sitting in my room--looking out over the lake--watching the sun peek through the clouds. I came down stairs and my cute mother is enamored by the sunrise--drinking up the morning beauty--trying to capture it on her iphone. She has such a love for life--sometimes we laugh at her--call her crazy--but seriously--I aspire to live, love, and laugh like her.

Tomorrow is my fathers birthday--today we are celebrating! I have the recipe for his favorite molasses cookies--I am going to make them this morning. My sister and Jade are nestled upstairs. Jon is sleeping in the spare bedroom and I am up--contemplating life.

This morning I came across a blog--its raw and real. Not riddled with inspiring pictures, introspective quotes, or tales of the beauty in the little things. This blog was filled with the ugliness--pain--sadness--and suffering people feel. A suffering I could almost never imagine. This doctor is continually bombarded with calls, surgeries, amputations, and lifelessness. This kind of blog is the kind that gives me a lump in the back of my throat, makes my stomach feel heavy, and my heart achy. Umbilical chords hangout of a lady who has been in labor for days--blood dripping down her legs--only to give birth to an already lifeless baby. Patients with broken bones protruding from the dehydrated skin. This blog is written in such detail, so emotionless, so raw.

This blog shakes me up. It makes me question all that I stand for. What life do I want? I would love to be a home mother. An woman who fills my blog with inspiring pictures, quotes, recipes, life experiences, have the dreamy life. But I also do not know if that is enough. Could I live my picture life--and ignore writings of this sort?

What makes life nobel? What makes a life meaningful? I believe its loving others--making the most of the situations and opportunities God gives you. Following His plan--above all else. Yes. But what does God have in mind for me? for you? I know in whatever one does--God can be served. BUt what is my FULL potential>? What is the BIGGEST dream path God has for ME?! I feel like god wants to do BIG things with us--but how does it start? Who starts it>? Does it start with inspiring thoughts words and actions? or does it start in the dirt, muck, and hurt of the world?

P.S. A big, chunky, Turkey and its baby just meandered across my front yard. God is good and I LOVe the stillness of the mornings.


Tina said...

Mm... I love the stillness of the morning too! This morning I was waking up to go sit out and look over the lake when a girl asked if I wanted to go do yoga. I thought of you. I love you! Have a good day with your Dad!

Emily Star said...

I love this set of thoughts.

janet said...

I love the description of your mom. I want to be like her.
I am sorry about your discontent. I am pondering it cuz I have a couple of ideas...I will call you!