So I woke up early this morning and have spent almost an hour browsing blogs and website. I have determined my dream job to be a cross between Martha Stewart and a designer. Aw I just love all of that. This weekend I plan on baking and love all of this: Found at: Marthastewart.com

iartu.blogspot.com

and my favorite: www.bakeitpretty.com

So many decisions. Should I go to med school? Should I go to Italy? Am I even going to have 10 years before God comes? Should I just paint and design my way through life? Or should I buckle down and do some science? Should I do this or do that? Is being 30 really too old to just be getting done with school? Or is that time used. Am I ready to move past college or do I want to enjoy it more? Oh man. So many life questions. God can you just send me a road map please :)

Sleep is divine. Went to bed at 8:45-pm and did not get up until 7:00-am. I still feel a little tired. I have much to do today--and little time to do it. God please fill my heart with peace. My mind with motivation and my spirit with YOUR love.

"Why don't they turn to God their maker? They know He is the only One who can strengthen their hearts and make them sing again. They forget that GOD source of their intelligence and that He is the One who makes them wiser than the beasts of the field and the birds of the air." Job 35: 10&11

Curly straight

So I just got back to my room after a long day and I just want to curl up. Curl up and sleep. Curl up and watch a movie. Curl up and laugh. All I want to do it curl up--yet part of me thinks I need to go and do--so I dont miss anything. When do we missing something by doing everything? Sometimes I want to be running while standing still and dreaming while set in reality.

I have a 4 page paper due today--and I have only wrote 1.5 pages. I have 1 hour to finish and all I have on my mind is summer. I just want to get lost in art and joy. I also stumbled upon this really cool wall graphic that I would like for my house someday! :)

file:///Users/admin/Desktop/Things%20I%20want!/worldmap_thumb_large.jpg

And I am dreaming about using these:

(Yes! We did decorate them with puff paint!)

God please help me to focus and have speedy typing fingers and an organized mind.

Just BE.

Yesterday was a great day. Started out with some me and God time. Some study time in the park with strawberry short cake. Classes. Then Tina and I came.

We love to just BE. It was a blustery day and we decided to go on a walk. It started to down pour. We got soaked, laughed, ran, and talked. It was just what I needed. A simple reminder that when someone lets you down, God always will send someone else to pick you back up. Tina you are amazing. I love YOU and all that God has made YOU to be.

May we each remember that "playin' in the rain is worth catchin' cold"

(Tina and I after playin in the rain!)

I also had a sleep over. I mean a real sleep over. With lots of boy talk. Giggling. Hot tubbing. Smores. cold plunges and warm pajamas. we all just took a break. Hung out together, snuggled all four of us into a bed and enjoyed life.

(act like you just say a ReAlLy attractive boy!)

(all act like you just saw something scary!)

(be Crazy!)

(genuine laughter)

God YOUR SO GOOD! Thanks!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't depend on your own understanding. Put the LORD first in everything you do and HE will direct your life.

Proverbs 3:5

(http://jenniholma.deviantart.com/art/It-s-raining-hearts-120803575)

This sounds so easy--yet I always tend to complicate it.

My heart gets so wrapped up in other things--it gets confused and tied and tangled and attached.

(http://www.fi.edu/learn/heart/enrichment/images/heart.jpg)

God asks for my heart. HE asks for it to be so woven in HIM that a man must seek GOD to find my heart. THats what I want.

(http://lh6.ggpht.com/finest.expressions/Rz6jJSkKcXI/AAAAAAAAAMM/R38BdT2tsQo/Heart+in+my+hands.jpg)

Thats where I want my heart to rest--In the hands of my God.

wedding showers bring may flowers.

Puff pastry with lemon curd, fresh strawberries, and Balsamic vinegar.

Homemade sugar cookies.

Bride to be: Far left, the beautiful Sarah.

Fresh basil, cream cheese, avocado and tomato wraps.

Some day...will this be me? Oh boy.

Would your life look any different if you stopped believing in God?

-Francis Chan, in his book Crazy Love suggests that it should. That there should be a stark contrast between a life live with Christ and a life without. But I stop and wonder--what would change?

awwww.

I am not much of a animal person, but this morning a read one of those email forwards--yes I know kinda pathetic but some times I do enjoy them--Like this morning.

This email talked about a little girl who was looking for a puppy. She would go to the shelter and search--she had been there many times. Each time she would tell her parents NOPE none are the right size--her parents could not figure it out--all the puppies were the same size. The last day the little girl had to pick her puppy she found him--when her mom asked, "what makes this puppy so different--its the same SIZE as all the rest?" She replied:

'No not size... The sighs. When I held him in my arms, he sighed,' she said.
'Don't you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you

told me love depends on the sighs of your heart. The more you love,

the bigger the sigh!'

'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh. When you and Daddy come home

from work and hug each other, you both sigh. I knew I would find the

right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said.

Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said,

'Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!'

YES. a little cheesy I know. But it made me think.

That sigh. its true. when I hug certain people I sigh. A sigh of relief because I get to hug them, a sigh of joy cause Im back in their presence, a sigh of comfort because I can be ME with THEM. There is that feeling of contentment and overwhelming love when you hug certain people.

the forward went on to say:

Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that
makes you sigh.

I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones,

but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the

gentle brush of cool air on a hot day.

They are the sighs of God.

Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what

you hear.

'Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments

that take our breath away.'

This was just inspiring to me. And made realize how much I miss certain "hugs."

I want more of THIS:

Im Lazy.

Im lazy. Im always feeling tired, and all I want to do is make memories, laugh and have meaningful conversations with people I value. I want to spend all day dreaming about the places I want to go, things I want to accomplish, and people I want to love. I want to hug my Bangladesh family. I want to curl up with someone special and let the day drift away. I want. I want. I want. My mind is full of I want statements. I want all of these things so bad, but I have to be here. I have to be present right now. I have to do homework. I have to sit alone and focus on things I don't want to. It a fine line between balancing what I want with that I have to do.

But then I wonder...do I really HAVE to do homework? Or am I doing it because I WANT good grades and to not waste the money being spent for me to go to school?

aw. I want. I want. I want. but what I don't want is sometimes good for me too. GOd please make the things that I don't want--that YOU want--the things I WANT.

Me.

Well this is a poem that I wrote my junior year of High School about my self--I find it pretty interesting: I am glad somethings change and some stay the same.

My nicknames are: Bella

Ellie Belly

Elle

and "W"

But to everyone else I am Elliot

Simply said I am Elliot

Inside: I am Original

Music is my passion

Art is the color of my soul

And being different fuels my smile

My Eyes are pools of deceit

I can fool you with my eyes

Teach your eyes to lie and no one will ever know

When I am sad my eyes lie

They have learned to smile when I'm sad

My heart: Is an ocean of waves

I just jump in my boat

and hold on for the ride

An electric lemon taste will

Burn my mouth

I hate sour tastes

Quiet and well thought out people inspire me

Honest people humble me

I walk: On a ruler

Measuring my every step

Calculating my never ending life

My Mind: Wonders

Analyzing every option

Spinning in a world of mirrors

Looking at me from ever angle

Openly examining you

My life is in a perspective

Remembered in scenes

A snapshot

A glimpse

Pictured through a lens of an old broken camera

I hope I have fallen off the ruler. I hope that I am not calculating and measuring every step--I hope that my eyes have learned how to portray necessary sadness to those I trust. I am glad that I no longer hate sour tastes and that I no longer just jump in to my boat and hold on for a ride--I am learning how to sail and navigate. I am glad that inside I am sill striving to be me--loving art, originality, smiling, loving people and my God.

Today God help us see what we were, what YOU want to change us to--and how to let YOU.